You are in love and it feels amazing. This love is different and you are ready to do anything to make it last. To keep this ship from sinking, you work hard to steer this relationship to a safe harbor. In the process, you lose yourself and your romantic relationship becomes all-consumable!
When Kiara fell head-over-heels for Dan, she went out of her way to make a wonderful connection. He found himself at hockey games, watching horror movies, at parties with his friends, and on holidays with his family. At home, things were not very different. Kayra cooked her favorite meal, kept the house the way she wanted, and listened to the music of her choice. On Dan’s advice, Kayra cut her hair short, wore less makeup and a conservative wardrobe. He had also skipped his night classes, as he cut his dinner. For Dan, this relationship was perfect. In an effort not to disappoint her, Kayra continued to worry. He changed his lifestyle, defended his views and even started talking like her. Kayra’s friends saw her transition from an enthusiastic and happy woman to her submissive and happy personality. This relationship had sucked life away from Kayra, yet she was the last seen.
Settling into a relationship is an essential ingredient for success, but denying the core of what you are not. When you finally feel that an all-consuming relationship is undercutting you, there will be nothing but resentment. It will be difficult to find yourself again while in the same relationship. The result of such a relationship is usually heartbreaking, for which you are not to blame.
The inverse relation of the omnidirectional relation is half-incomplete. In this relationship you maintain affection until the evidence comes in that the other is bent. I love you, if you love me then it has become a common practice. Afraid that you will give more love than you receive, you put your partner on probation and wield power in this relationship. You judge according to your expectations and take care of its marks. The higher the score, the more you will be ready to be rewarded with love. This conditional approach creates tremendous emotional insecurity.
All-consumption or half-incomplete relationships are very unnatural and unhealthy. Ironically, both types are guided by fear. In an all-consuming relationship, fear of not being loved is the driving force. In a half-relationship, the fear of being hurt keeps you from knocking down protective walls.
Is there a happy medium? Loving wholeheartedly without losing yourself requires a very different perspective of relationships. Even though you know that relationships require work, but deep down you cling to a sweet illusion that meeting the right person is all it takes. You will then embark on your magic carpet ride. think again! Soon that magic rug will be pulled from under you.
If you long for a partner who is wholeheartedly following you, ask yourself, are you the same partner? Do you give what you want in your relationship? Ironically, many lack the qualities they want in their partners. Listen to your heart and when it feels right, feel fear and love. Love without hesitation and heartfelt with all of you. Do not let fear of your rejection and kill your desires or steal your dreams. You may have encountered love before. Maybe you are “chicken-out”. Next time, don’t be chicken!
If you are in a relationship of love, here is a universal truth: love is love and if you choose it with all sincerity, you are never going to lose it. Love teaches you to be a better person. Restore your faith in love and become emotionally available to each other. Put your fears and your past behind you and become loving with love. Learn to trust yourself by trusting yourself. Surrendering to love does not mean losing yourself. Nevertheless, when it is safe to open your heart, you may feel weakened by the worry that this love will disappear.