All I wanted was for me to fall in love and be happy anytime. End.
Except that it was not easy. At forty-something, I was barely “on the shelf”, but I experienced two divorces. This gave rise to a lot of skepticism. It also gave rise to another sinful, subtle symptom: I didn’t trust the opposite sex to hurt me again. Guess what else? Since the women I was meeting were of the same age group, and also the stalwarts of some painful emotional history, their fears were echoed. results? An almost cast iron guarantees that love cannot flourish! You can scatter seeds on concrete and expect wheat to flourish.
Internet is affected by the injuries of such people. Dating sites abound and thousands of people around the world of computers are literally looking for love. Naturally, there are success stories with happy endings. But the majority are depressed individuals. Join these sites for a while, (I did 3 months and ended up staying for 3 years), and you will see that the same faces get rounded again and again. They are not ugly or evil or dangerous people. They are normal people like you and me, and yet somehow love is just taking them away.
To answer that you must first ask yourself why anyone wants a relationship in the first place. The answer is not clear, but it is simple. By the 1950s, in almost every generation, people got into relationships because it was inevitable. Sooner or later, purchases were about to take place, and pregnancy meant that mothers needed financial support, which was, of course, provided by fathers. The roles were clear, nature played a big role. Whether the relationship was “happy” or whether the couple were “in love” was a secondary consideration. This relationship was primordial in itself, and was at all costs to survive until death made them run away. Add to the social and religious pressures, and no wonder our grandparents and all their prejudices lived together throughout their lives.
Nowadays we have a completely different agenda. It boils down to this: we will only stay in one relationship, or may even enter into one, if it does not make us feel better.
In other words, relationships have to make us happy or we are out.
It is a big agenda, but the biggest problem with it is not its size; Is that it goes on unknowingly. Society, from the government to the church to our neighbors, leads to old values and we still measure ourselves by them. We still consider ourselves unsuccessful if we break up a relationship, or worse, if we are one that is hooked. Despite the fact that we do not blink an eyelid when we change our friends’ careers, move house or no matter how many times they do so. But change partner? Something is wrong with you!
The fact is, however, that broken relationships lead to broken hearts, and broken hearts hurt. The pain leads to fear, and the fear is either giving total, or attempting to commit half – resulting in unsatisfactory relationships all round.
So what is the antidote?
Two things, really. Love yourself first. If you can feel good about the person you are guaranteed to wake up with every day of your life, then no one can hurt you, because it is your inner strength. No matter how many times someone told Arnold Schwarzenegger that he was a weakling, would it? He would always know that this was not true.
Secondly, be clear, really clear about what you want. And then be honest about it. Do you really want to be with someone with young children? Do you think that the person you meet has almost zero libido? Or an unquenchable one?
Be flexible about this yourself. Your desires and needs are about to change. It would not be three months after the end of a relationship because they would have passed three years. Therefore you must learn to listen to your inner voice, and not only listen to it, but believe it and act on its advice!
What this really reduces to is a wonderful and simple formula to find and keep true love. Want to know what it is?
Know and like the person you spend every day with. (For full details as to who is who, check your nearest mirror!)
this is the matter! That way, you’ll have bundles of love to give, you’ll be a joy to be around, (which makes you irresistibly attractive), and during those times when you find yourself alone, you’ll Will be happy company for a while.